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DATING: Things I Wish I Knew Sooner

DATING: Things I Wish I Knew Sooner

Ah, dating.

What is it in 2017, really?

I’ve been trying to figure it out.

I’ve been trying to figure it out for the past 10 years.

Yes, you heard me correctly, 10 years.

10 years ago in about a month will be the last time I had an official boyfriend/guy I was dating.

People have asked me/said to me:

“Kat, why are you still single?!”

“I’m shocked you haven’t dated in so long!”

“The right one will come along when you least expect it.”

I mean really, I’ve heard it all!

The main reason? I don’t want my time wasted.

I. Don’t. Want. My. Time. Wasted.

This can apply to everyone! Would you really want a guy/girl hanging around you, texting/calling you, etc. if your inner voice said this person’s gotta go?

((God I hope not!))

But another part of it, really for me, is after the last time I had a boyfriend it left me feeling on such a bad note.

What that guy probably still doesn’t realize, and that I still think about, is that #1, he dumped me on an anniversary of 9-11. Ouch.

This guy wrote me an email saying we need to break up, one of the reasons being we have different tastes in music.

The same guy, a week or two before, spontaneous took the ferry to my college to visit me and lent me his Playstation.

Not only did I have to write an awkward, emotional email back wishing him well, I had to drive this Playstation back to his house and leave it on the front porch.

Awkward. Awkward. Awkward.

Fast forward, I’ve found myself attracting or myself being attracted to unavailable men.

All. The. Time.

Photo Credit: GoDaddy

 

I’ve been happily single, on my self-love quest. Dating MYSELF, taking MYSELF out to eat, to the movies, etc.

People call it brave, I call it the norm.

Fast forward a little further to now, I’ve been quite a bit more open to speaking to men on dating apps.

(I tried Match for three months, however, paid and all, and nothing came of that, so that’s gone.)

I’ve had some funny conversations, such as myself responding to a guy’s ad that said “free pizza for a girl with a big booty” and I said “well I guess I’m getting a free pizza then” and then later requested a “sausage” pizza (HAHA!).

I’ve had the impatient ones who get mad when you don’t respond fast enough.

And more recently, I was speaking to a very nice, attractive guy who unfortunately wanted something different than me, but we ended it on a good note and wished each other well (this took me aback in a good way!).

With that last one, sparks the reason for this article.

Photo Credit: GoDaddy

Here are some things myself, and those I opened the floor on my Instagram accounts to for questions about dating, wish they knew sooner:

wrote me and said: “You don’t have to date every person that shows interest in you – be more selective.”

says “99 % of the time listen to the guy’s mom when you meet her. If she tells you that her son has issues, beware.”

says “Believe who they tell you they are. Trust your guy. Fall in love with the PERSON not the fantasy. The RIGHT one IS out there. Don’t waste time – NEXT! Love is not easy but shouldn’t be painfully hard. Believe in love not assholes.”

Coincidentally, these initials spell out my name, but those came from people other than me! Thank you for your input.

For me, here are 3 things I wish I knew sooner:

  1. It’s okay to open up.

Meaning it’s OK to let your guard down, to a certain degree of course. I probably wouldn’t be going with the deepest darkest secret just yet, but maybe little things you feel embarrassed about, pet peeves, etc. why not?!

2. This person you’re speaking to may not be with you forever, focus on the NOW, not the FUTURE.

Don’t get so caught up in the future that you forget about the right here and now. If this person is fun and awesome to speak to, why not keep that convo going? Focus on mindfulness not just in your day to day life, but dating life.

3. Don’t be afraid to have a little fun 😉

This one probably is the hardest for me! And yes, I’m talking about THAT kind of fun 🙂 ;). Enjoy the ride, literally and figuratively ;).

I guess what I’m really getting at is, 2017 dating is not easy, but it shouldn’t be painfully difficult either. There are men/women out there who will want what you want re: dating.

You’ll get there!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What did you wish you knew sooner about dating? Comment below!



6 thoughts on “DATING: Things I Wish I Knew Sooner”

  • What you said about focusing on the here and now is so true! So many girls, myself included l, think about the future and not the fun now stage. And if it means anything to you, I do believe in finding someone when you least expect it! Also, one last thing…AMEN to not wasting your time! Your time is precious and not just any man deserves your time. You’re doing great! Love the blog!

    • Oh yeah, I’m so guilty of it too! Something to learn and keep going with.

      I believe in finding someone when you least expect it too, it does mean a lot, beautiful!

      TRUTH – no man or woman should waste yo time! 🙂

      Thank you so much, Stacey, I appreciate you reading <3

  • As you know, Kat, I am not an experienced dater, but I have been around a lot of guys in 47 years. One thing I do know is that the great majority are not deep thinkers about emotion. I learned late that when you ask your guy what he’s thinking about, and he says nothing, he really isn’t hiding anything. He’s thinking about nothing.
    Also, never change who you are for a guy. Never! They should love you for you, not how well you can fit in his life.

    • Yes!! That’s exactly how I feel about it too — they seem to not think as in depth as we do about things! HA!

      Truth, amen to that last sentence too, Jaqi!

      I appreciate you reading <3

  • Great blog, Kat!! Love it 🙂 I had been single for about 10 years after my divorce, and I just recently met a man who has quickly become the love of my life. I think the reason I attracted him is because I changed MYSELF. I was very cynical of men and relationships, so I kept attracting men who were unavailable in one way or another – or just complete and total FLAKES!! But once something inside me clicked and I realized I am finally ready for a real committed relationship, that’s when I met him. I truly believe we attract who we are and what we expect – mostly on a subconscious level. Anyway, I agree that dating is frustrating and there are a lot of weirdos out there. But there are a lot of good guys too 🙂 Can’t wait to read more of your blogs! xoxo

    • Hi Carol!!! 🙂 Wow, I didn’t realize you were single for that long! That is so exciting you found a new man. See, that’s exactly what I am working on and shall continue to work on, shifting the mindset. That’s so true – I find myself attracting so many emotionally unavailable men, so I need to keep shifting the mindset 🙂 Thank you so much, it’s going to be a variety of everything!! XOXO I appreciate you stopping by , and hope we could collaborate some time too!

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